Irreversible

The awkward left pen taps

In the valley of fingers

Its twin wet pink scraps

Of rotting flesh that lingers

In suffocating memories

Of musky clothes on

Strange beds, knobby rooted trees

That keep secrets. Dawn

Does not keep the cockroaches

Scuttling from dusty fridge floors

Shiny black back approaching

Tremendous speeds towards doors

Of guilt

In that two month escapade with that girl-

My best friend

The time when

Everything moved so fast and

It was all okay,

It was okay,

I was okay. Then I wasn’t.

Every guilt trip that left me yearning,

Every time I was stood up and left feeling empty

Not to mention the boys

He’s hardly even a reminder of

Anything- it’s buried so deep

When I hit the floor

I hardly knew how I’d gotten there.

It was all a mistake-

And yet it wasn’t.

Hitting the arena ground

That day a piece of me broke

Beyond the arm, the hooves pounding

In synchrony with

My jolted, distorted frame

That cockroach once left will not make it back

Under that fridge again